Wednesday, August 25, 2010

There's a feeling in the air...

This morning I opened the windows. Such a small act, but after running the central air all summer it felt momentous in some way to have all that fresh air invade and cool our home. I sorted closets, cleaned bathrooms, vacuumed and swept floors, folded laundry... all before 11am. Autumn is my season.

I know you're probably thinking, "um ok, but it's not autumn yet..." and you'd be right... and I'd be happy because you just said... "yet." I can feel it coming, I am starting to get the itch, nights are getting colder, bonfires seem more imperative, stores are stocked with bouquets of pencils and school supplies, and Ezra's closet reeks of that "new tennis shoe" smell. It's almost here!!!

Some of you are "spring lovers"- and I'll forgive you for that- but hear me out. For me, fall has always evoked a sense of inevitable change. In some ways that's terrifying, but in most ways, at least for me, it's drenched in possibility. In elementary it was the question, "will my teacher be nice?" or "will any of my friends be in my class this year?" In middle school it was more along the lines of, "are Swatch watches still 'in'?" or "are my stone-washed Guess jeans tight enough?" (yeah, I just dated myself- I don't care). By high school, most of the possibility for me revolved around sporting events and guys... "is this the year THAT guy will finally notice me?" ("that guy" never did)

Now? I don't know. I'm looking forward to the return of a predictable routine- even if it means I have to set an alarm each day. I'm excited to see the ways in which my children will stretch and grow in new environments this fall. I'm prayerful about our foster son and what the next leg of his journey may consist of. I'm borderline giddy about summer vacations ending and what that means as far as attendance at Praxis... I've been missing so many people and I love the energy in the room when everyone comes back together in the fall (and although I'm happy that they've had time to get away and enjoy their families, I'll be glad to reconnect)! I'm excited to head to Catalyst with my husband in October! He's gone a few times and I am SO HAPPY to be able to experience this conference WITH him this year. (and I admit, I'm looking forward to a few days away as a couple- sans kiddos) ;)

More than all that, change/possibility brings with it hope. If you follow this blog, you know I've been struggling to shake the grief and cynicism that settled in my heart following the loss of Brooklynn and the resurfacing of Nevaeh. I could use some hope. I desire to hope, and my heart feels as though its just about ready to risk again. I LOVE this time of year... and I LOVE a Creator who knew there'd be people like me who would need it to feel Him near.

So, in a month or so, if you see me parked along the side of the road staring at a particularly gorgeous display of color in the trees, singing "This Time of Year" by Better Than Ezra, with an odd grin on my face, just know I'm getting my groove back. BRING ON THE FALL! :)

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