So, I'm on vacation with the fam, and just to get it out of the way, I know I should have more exciting things to do right now. :) However, the kids are in bed, and Cody's watching the NFL Draft, so here I sit with a little "me" time.
Right after our foster kids moved out, someone we adore offered to send our family on a vacation. It was humbling, and of course we tried to say no, but they insisted and we accepted. Somehow they knew (even before we did) that we were going to need to get away from it all and just reconnect again as a family of four. I can't tell you how much we've been looking forward to these 7 days away from it all, or how good they've been for us!
We decided early on to keep the whole thing a mystery for our boys. Each night they are given a card that reveals clues about the following day. They HATE it, and love it at the same time. Ki seems able to roll with it with minimal effort, but Ezra is absolutely discombobulated at the idea of not knowing what comes next. I just shake my head, frustrated and yet slightly smiling because I know it will be priceless to watch them both realize our plans and then freak out with excitement. All week I've been saying, "relax... just trust us buddy... it's gonna be great..." I know they're going to love what's in store. I know my boys, I know their hearts, I know their desires, and I am desperate to make as many of those dreams come true as I can. But they don't know that about me... or if they do, they seem to have forgotten. Each day Ezra asks what tomorrow brings, and when I tell him he'll have to wait for the clue he gets frustrated and mad, and often misses out on some of the joy in front of him.
Today I realized that in the grand scheme of things, I am Ezra... and the one I am forgetting to trust is God. I'm probably missing joys that are right in front of me because of concern for what comes next. I desperately want to know what the future brings, why things don't look the way I want them to look, why I can't have the clues I want when I want them, why I can't have some say in the planning...
I wonder if God is shaking his head at me, wondering why I don't trust his heart, but secretly so excited to watch me freak out once His plan is finally revealed?