Confessions of an imbalanced life

Balance... that elusive dream I chase, sometimes with relentless passion, and sometimes with very little awareness...

I have none at this point in time. I'm a firm believer in the fact that there are seasons where life isn't what we want it to be, but you do your best and plow through, comforted by the fact that it is only a season. Lately, I've used this as an excuse to not push for more in my life, to be lazy, or to ease the nagging I feel when I analyze my "less than" living. At this rate, I am building habits that turn a "season" into a lifestyle.

I miss my husband. Weekly date nights disappeared when we brought home 3 foster children in November of 2009. We were one month shy of having been married 10 years and we had managed to have a weekly date night almost every week for that entire time. All our "free" babysitters kind of bailed once they met our new kids, and we couldn't really afford to pay anyone else. When we could afford to pay, we used these sitters to help us attend meetings and small groups, etc. When they left, no one really offered to step up again to watch Ezra and Ki, and we didn't really want to ask. At this point in time, once a month seems ambitious. Our last date was the day after Christmas, oh wait... we did run errands together in Gaylord for Valentine's Day. I. MISS. MY. HUSBAND.

I miss my alone time. It's been 2 years since we've had "nap time" in our home, and that was my guaranteed time alone with my thoughts each day. At first it was inconvenient but doable, over the long haul it's wearing on me in ways I didn't anticipate. Creativity is non-existent, motivation is lacking, patience is extremely low, etc. Cody has tried to help in so many ways over the past 6 months. He's taken on more household responsibilities, watched the kids so I could run errands by myself, encouraged me to do things that fill me up emotionally, but in the end, I just need regular/daily time alone, and it's not happening.

I miss God. I. MISS. GOD. This is really the crux of it all. Everything else kind of spins off of this I'm sure. Nap time was also my God time. In all honesty I have yet to find a suitable replacement time since that fell by the wayside, TWO YEARS AGO. My time with God is just as hit or miss as the time with my husband and myself. "Life" or lack thereof seems to always get in the way.

I don't want to tell you about all this... I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but I need to be accountable to change this. I need to be honest about the fact that in my interactions with people lately I'm giving advice based on what I've always believed to be true and not out of the overflow of God's spirit in me. I'm physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually exhausted and out of balance.

Have you ever been here?

Apologies for the Annoyances

So... If you are my friend on facebook you have probably been annoyed lately by my posts regarding Swagbucks. I get it, really I do, and I apologize. I'd like to explain myself...

I could turn it off, but here's the deal: I LOVE Swagbucks. In the past 6 weeks I've earned $15 in gift cards at Amazon.com. My Kindle and I are loving it. :) I continue posting about it because I earn even more Swagbucks if people sign up for it using my links, and a few people have. (if you've considered it, I'm unashamedly asking you to use the link on the right of this blog to do it! please please please!!!)

So what is Swagbucks? Basically, it's a search engine of sorts. If you search using their toolbar instead of Google, you earn their "bucks" and you can then turn those bucks in for various prizes. When I started, a friend sent me the following message:

"A few tips: Definitely get the toolbar!!! ;) It's just a reminder to USE THEM for all of your searches! Instead of googling something, use the Swagbucks site to search. Every so often you'll earn swagbucks for a search. It really is just very RANDOM the bucks that you earn! Sometimes I win 3 or 4 times a day, and other times just once....but ALWAYS at least once. I've been using this for 5 days now and have over 400 Swagbucks.

If you buy a lot online, like from Target, JoAnn Fabrics, Meijer, etc....you can do it through Swagbucks and for every dollar you spend, you'll get 2 swagbucks for it! That adds up quickly too, although I haven't done it yet.

You get 1 swagdollar everyday just for having the toolbar if you choose to do that (I do), and one for doing the daily poll, and one for checking the trusted surveys. So a guarantee of 3 a day for 2 minutes of your time. If you use them to search for stuff you'd search anyway you'll start gaining quickly.

There's a Blog on the homepage that will alert you to swagcodes. There is usually a code 4-5 times a week, and sometimes several times a day! They are fun to look for and get! It's basically a random combo of letters and numbers. I copy and paste them onto the home page quickly because sometimes they expire fast. "

In addition:
For a swaggin' for dummies type explanation, click HERE. I found this site to be very helpful. :)

Anyway... Happy Swaggin'!