Friday, February 05, 2010

#23

Today's confession? I'm struggling. We found out yesterday that the judge has decided the kids will stay with us for 45 more days, and then will return to their mom and have a Families First worker assigned to them. It's all really bittersweet. Since Cody quit his job with COOR ISD, and the church will not be able to pay us enough to pay our bills, it is a relief to know there will be 3 fewer people to care for. As far as time management, laundry, cleaning, disciplining, ease of travel, etc. everything becomes exponentially easier. I am thankful, that the judge thinks their mom is making progress. I worry about whether or not they will be cared for they way I care for them, but I also know how happy the kids will be to be back with their mom. I have no idea how Brooklynn will adjust because she's so young and I can't explain it to her. The struggle is in the conflict of all those emotions... fear, relief, worry, anticipation, etc. but also...
Ya know when you give 2 weeks notice on a job? It doesn't matter how much you loved or hated that job, the last two weeks are miserable. Why? Because it's hard to walk back into something you know is ending and give it your best. You know someone else is about to come in and do your job in their way, and suddenly you think, "why bother?" So, this morning I woke up to a sweet yet screaming baby who was woken up by brothers jumping off their bunk beds squealing at 6:30am and who had smeared poop into the carpet in their bedroom and all over the bedding. And I thought... "remind me why again Lord?" It doesn't help that Ki has strep and I've been sick for the last 5 days. I just want to lay on the couch snuggling him all day. Add in a basement under construction (thereby doing away with our playroom and forcing children to be on top of me all day long) and I'm already a grouch. So... if you are one of the 2 people who read this, please pray for us as we navigate this next month and a half. I desire to be the best I can be for these little ones, and I want to leave them with a strong sense of who God is and how much He loves them... and my current attitude is probably not going to lead to those outcomes. Thanks. :)

4 comments:

Steve and Paula said...

(((HUGS))) I hope your day gets better and you and Ki both feel better soon. You can do this. God knows what you can handle and you're an incredibly caring person. You've had a positive impact on those kids and I have no doubt you'll keep praying for them long after they leave your care. I'll keep praying for you to have strength and patience.

monica said...

What you've done for those children is amazing! Everything happens for a reason and they were brought into your life at that time for what you could offer them. You'll be in my thoughts!

Elissa said...

I appear to be the THIRD comment, which tells me a few things. 1...you have more than 2 readers! 2...you have more than 2 people praying for you. 3... you have way more than 2 people in your corner supporting you and amazed at your heart, even when you feel grumpy. Love you!

Beth said...

I'll be praying for you and your family Amanda!