First time:
I have never posted a blog before. In fact, until recently, I had never read a blog... didn't really know what one was. When contemplating a name for this site all I could think of was how desperately I desire to be a part of something real and meaningful, to experience authentic community the way God intended. I'm not sure a blog was what He had in mind, but here I go anyway.
My life is not exciting. There are moments that I feel exhilarated, but they seem to be few and far between. Don't get me wrong, I have joy in my life, and I like where I am, it's just a little lacking in adventure. Do you ever feel that tension? Knowing you should be happy with all you are blessed with, and yet craving something more? Risk, victory, invention, passion, surprise...etc. I seem to always be returning to that place, and most times I feel I am surrounded by people who don't understand the depth to which these desires drive me. I am a dreamer by nature and I live in a realistic society.
My life demands a realistic approach- I am a wife and a mother and I take both responsibilities very seriously- so dinner needs to be made, clothes washed, our home cleaned etc. I am overly aware of all the "real" things in life. Still, I desire time to cultivate depth in friendships, greater intimacy with my husband, and meaningful investments in my children. When I express this to those around me I feel like I am some kind of freak, and yet I believe at the core of my being, that these are the "real" things in life.
Who has time to really know the heart and soul of their friends instead of swapping the latest stories about children, engaging in meaningless gossip, and sharing the events of the past week? Who wants to dig deeper with your spouse and truly know each other in a way that leaves you craving more intimacy on a daily basis? Who has the energy to do more than wrangle your kids, get them fed, dressed, bathed, entertained, and in bed- to instead daily invest in their emotional well-being, listening to their hearts, sharing snuggly moments with a book, singing songs together, acting silly, etc. Most people in my life think my expectations for intimacy are unrealistic and impossible. I have to believe they are wrong, if I didn't, I might as well wither up.
I believe that God created us to be relational people. That everything we do is driven by a need to be in authentic relationship, or in a misguided attempt to avoid authentic relationships. At the dawn of creation Adam and Eve experienced relational perfection, as a couple, and with God. Since the fall, all of humanity has been trying to regain that pefection, to restore broken relationships- with God and man. So am I so crazy to recognize this and seek it with all that I am?
I want messy relationships... real and unfiltered...committed despite flaws...come as you are mentality...exposed to the point of discomfort... until at some point, its as if we've found an oasis in the midst of a fake and guarded society... knowing we have found a few places in which we can be truly authentic with each other and God. Knowing that we are beginning to taste life as it was meant to be.
