BLESSED

"You're blessed when you are at the end of your rope.  With less of you there is more of God and His rule." Matthew 5:3

Friends, if this is true, I am BLESSED.

As it turns out, 6 children under the age of 11 is hard.  When 3 of those children are a sibling group recently removed from their birth family, it's even harder.  Having a 2, 3, and 4 year old is utter chaos.  I know, SHOCKING.

It's not that I don't know these things before I jump into them, its just that I'm a bit... well... optimistic? Hopeful? Unrealistic? Overconfident?  Who knows.  I guess when I feel God calling me to something, I assume it will be accompanied by His provisions (emotionally, relationally, mentally, spiritually, financially, logistically, etc.), and I jump in full force.

So here we are.  Life is hard right now.  I'm not really sure how to do this well, but I am trying.  Some days are amazing and progress is palpable.  Some days, like today, glorious events like nap time turn into horrific episodes of weeping and gnashing of teeth.

I sat down at our kitchen table during this afternoon's meltdown and decided to pay bills to distract myself (with something equally frustrating, but seemingly more manageable).  Towards the end, I found myself appreciating the breeze (it is 81 degrees INSIDE MY HOUSE- which may be contributing to my less than stellar attitude).  The breeze drew my eyes to the window and I was struck by the calm that is found in nature on a summer afternoon.  Birds, wind, trees, sunshine, clouds... so much lazy perfection, and here I was all in knots, stressed to my core, 2 feet away from it all.  Friends, how do we get to this point?  How do we find ourselves so removed from the simplicity of it all?  I don't have an answer to that, but I decided to do something that fills my spirit for the remainder of "nap time."  Since I don't have a hammock and I needed to be indoors to listen to children avoiding their naps like the plague, I decided to blog.  Talking here helps, and I truly enjoy writing.

Here's what I know: God is providing.  Not how I hope, or on my timeline, but He is in our midst and any forward progress is because of Him.  I'm adjusting my expectations.  Hot days suck.  I like time alone with my husband, and extra money would be nice.  My anal, over-organized nature is an asset in a big family.  I have no clue how to balance all this with my job, and the month of August is a big giant bully terrorizing my dreams.  I don't like cooking in the summer, and I believe pizza made by someone else should be cheaper and socially acceptable for dinner 5 nights a week, but...

I am where I am meant to be, with who I'm meant to be with, at the end of my rope, and blessed.  If you are at the end of your rope too, take comfort, with less of you, there is more of God, and that's gotta be a good thing.

For What It's Worth

I know this is a hot button issue right now, but in the debate about "Obamacare" there is one issue I have a hard time swallowing.  Regardless of where your politics take you on this matter, I'd like to challenge us to think about how we speak.

In the past few days I have read the following statements (or something VERY similar) more times than I care to count, "You are not entitled to what I have earned." Or worse yet, "I worked hard and went to college apparently so you wouldn't have to."  These are favorites on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter, with people "sharing" them over and over again. 

I take an EXTREME amount of offense to this, and I know I am not the only one.  For the past 3 and a half years we have been without health insurance.  Never once during that time were we "milking" the system or "wasting" all the hard work and effort of people who "earned" what they have. Cody held 2 full-time jobs for over a year in order to make ends meet and chase the dream God had given him.  Currently we are both working.  We both earned college degrees (not that it should matter) and we are both working in the fields we trained for in school.  He is a church planter, I am a teacher, and we are both foster parents... and we have no health insurance.  We believe God has called us to be doing what we're doing, but we take responsibility for having made that choice.  Cody and I go without health insurance, but we do not believe our children should go without, so we apply for MI Child/medicaid.  So here's the kicker... we may not make as much money as some people, and our jobs may not offer health insurance like many do, but it DOES NOT mean we haven't paid taxes towards the services we receive, it DOES NOT mean we are slackers or leeches, and it DOES NOT mean we don't work VERY hard to make a good life for our family and to make a meaningful contribution to society.

You may say, "so buy your own insurance then."  I would say, go price out personal insurance and let me know how easily your budget could take that hit.

You may say, "so get a different job or move."  I would say, I am right where God is asking me to be.

You may say, "you are the exception not the norm."  I would say, think again.  The average household income in my county is $28,599 (in 2009).  For the rest of the state in 2009 it was $45,255.  People here work hard, they just don't earn what people earn elsewhere.  When a job pays that little, it rarely comes with benefits, unless it's a big corporation (ie. Walmart, Home Depot, etc.), and they don't set up shop in tiny northern Michigan towns. 

I honestly don't care whether you support the new health care laws or not.  I have NO desire to argue the politics or morality of it all.  I'm just BEGGING you to choose your words carefully as you debate this with others.  We "slacker/leeches" types are tired of all the mud slinging. 

As an FYI- we will have insurance through my job starting in September, and although I am extremely happy to know it's coming, it does not change my feelings about this whole issue. 

It's Been a While

Wow... it's been months since I last posted. I've been struggling with how to write and what to write, and in the end decided it was best not to write. If you remember what we were talking about last, then you will probably notice that those posts are gone. There are new guidelines in place in the foster care system that prohibit me from sharing our journey in a public forum like this. While I technically never shared any identifying information regarding our current placement, it was in the best interest of all involved to remove all posts related to this process.

So... what to write when life's current journey is off limits? I have no idea. Its difficult for me to feel as though anything in my life is blog worthy knowing I cannot incorporate that piece of the puzzle into it. I guess I'm a little too holistic that way.

Here's what I am learning (and I apologize for the vagueness):

Everyone walks a difficult path. Everyone.

SO many of our friends and family members have made the comment recently, "I just can't imagine being a foster parent. There would be nothing harder than saying goodbye to a child you love." I don't really know how to respond to that, except to acknowledge that this is the path God has asked us to be on for this time in our life. The reality is, I can't imagine having a spouse who goes off to war for months/years at a time. I don't ever want to know the pain of a marriage that is disintegrating despite my best efforts to save it. I can't imagine raising my children alone. I can't fathom watching a loved one die of cancer, or losing a child, or suffering a life altering injury. Yet... I have watched friends and loved ones walk all of these paths with dignity and strength and faith in a God who sustains.

We don't always choose our paths...sometimes they choose us... and when they do, we have a choice: we can run away, or we can face our fears as best we know how, and hope and pray we come out more like God on the other side.

Organizing Yourself

For my second post on organizing, I'm going to refer to someone wiser than me on how to "de-clutter" YOURSELF. I follow Michael Hyatt's blog, "Intentional Leadership" (you can find it HERE) and he recently wrote a post titled, "Are You Tired of Feeling Overwhelmed?" I thought I'd share it with you as we look at removing excess from our lives. If you are not currently following his blog, you should. LOTS of great wisdom flowing out of that space on the internet.


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Over the last few months, people have asked how I am doing since leaving my CEO post at Thomas Nelson. For the most part, great. I am really enjoying this new phase of my life.

But last week, I was feeling overwhelmed. It seemed that I was spending all day, every day mired in administrative detail—responding to emails, making travel plans, and filling out expense reports. Ugh.

This the first time in more than a decade that I have been without an executive assistant. I had clearly taken this role for granted, not realizing how much it had freed me up to do what I do best.

So what to do?

At first, I decided to power through it. But that didn’t work. The tennis balls have been coming over the net faster than I can hit them. My volume of email alone has doubled in the last 90 days.

Next, I tried to enlist my wife, Gail, to help. Bad idea. She already has a full-time job as a homemaker, mom, and counselor to countless women. (After watching her in action for the last few months, I have a whole new appreciation for her!)

Finally, I decided that I had had enough. Something had to give. I needed to take a different approach if I was going to get my head above water.

I took the following seven steps:

1. I decided I had to make a change. This sounds almost trivial, but it is essential. Evidently, some people like being overwhelmed. They wouldn’t admit this, of course. But they thrive on stress in a perverse way. Perhaps it makes them feel important or indispensable. They may complain about their workload, but they are unwilling to do things differently. Are you ready for a change?
2. I identified my three high payoff activities. I asked myself, What is it that only I can do? Where do I add the most value? What is really important as opposed to merely urgent? For me, that is writing, speaking, and networking—in that order. Anything else is a waste of what I have been given. What are your high payoff activities?
3. I identified my three biggest productivity sinkholes. This was easy. For me, it is responding to email, booking my own travel, and meeting with acquaintances who want my advice. (As much as I’d like to do this, I am drowning in requests.) I decided I had to eliminate—or at least dramatically reduce—these activities in my life. What are your productivity sinkholes?
4. I spent time reviewing the productivity basics. In his book, The 4-Hour Workweek, Tim Ferriss, says that the key to productivity is elimination, automation, and delegation. Some stuff is just no longer worth doing. Other stuff can be put on auto-pilot. Most of the rest can be delegated. Have you made a list of which activities fall into which category?
5. I decided to do the math. Unfortunately, I had fallen into a common paradigm: I was thinking that if I could do something I should do it—myself. Balderdash! If you can make $50.00 an hour, is it a good investment for you to do tasks that you can hire done for $12.00 an hour? I don’t think so. This is not only bad math, it is bad stewardship. What do you make an hour? Could you be more financially productive if you delegated?
6. I hired a virtual executive assistant. I realized that I wasn’t ready for a full-time one. I wanted to take this one step at a time. Thankfully, there are scores of companies (offshore and domestic) that specialize in providing virtual assistants for as many hours as you need. I did this several years ago, and it was a positive experience. I decided to go with Miles Advisory Group. I am very impressed with their responsiveness. Have you ever considered a VA?
7. I am scheduling the important tasks. I know, I know, I teach this stuff. You’d think I would already have this nailed. Well, I did. More or less. But it was a completely different context, namely, CorporateWorld. Now I am having to implement the same thing in a different context. I am now scheduling my important tasks first and forcing my productivity sinkholes into small blocks of time. How much of your calendar this week is dedicated to high payoff activities?

Just going through this process has had a huge, positive impact on my attitude. Nothing has really changed yet, but I am already feeling less overwhelmed and more in control. I am ready for a change. Are you?

My Obsession

I may be a bit obsessive. It's bad. So bad that those who know me well already know what I'm going to write about. I've been lovingly called, "anal" about a million times in my life- and I'm okay with that. I compulsively organize.

I like things to have a place, I like those places to make sense, and I want it all to look nice when it's finished. Lately I've been spending way too much time time on Pinterest. One of the things that keeps me so interested is all the different things people do for organization (I recently pinned a picture of plastic magazine boxes in a freezer holding all of someone's bagged freezer goods upright and orderly... how cool is that idea?!?). I've also been watching the first season of "Hoarders" on Netflix. It's an unhealthy combo folks. Today I cleaned out 3 cupboards in my kitchen, 2 drawers and a closet. It felt SO GOOD. So good that I very easily could have ignored my family and kept right on going into the wee hours of the morning. I didn't... thankfully. So here I sit, still wound up, but trying to resist the urge to purge some more and I keep rolling around something that one of the Hoarders on the TV show said, "I just don't seem to be capable of distinguishing what matters and what doesn't. I have no clue where to begin."

I doubt any of you are hoarders, but if you can resonate with that sentiment, this post is for you.

#1. Start small. Commit to cleaning out one area each day for a month (or until its finished). This could be as big as a room, or as small as one cupboard (or even one storage box or shelf). Understand your limits and make a reasonable goal for yourself. This should be a small time commitment of 10 minutes-30 minutes. Set a time and do it each day at that time (ie. baby's nap time).

#2. Have a plan for this process before you begin. Will you be selling items at a garage sale? Donating to local charities? Trashing everything unwanted? Knowing this in advance will help you sort and make decisions.

#3. Have "zones" ready. When doing a small area, I always have a trash can and a box or two on the floor next to me. If it's trash, it's immediately thrown away. If I plan to sell it, it goes in the box. If I plan to donate it, it goes in the other box. If it belongs somewhere else in my home, I call one of the kids and have them take it there immediately. ;) If that doesn't work, I start a "relocate" pile. I reuse the boxes each day until they are full, and then I immediately take all donate items to their drop off location, and seal up garage sale boxes (marked, "garage sale") and put them in our storage room.

#4. With food: If it's expired, throw it out. If no one in your home will eat it, throw it out. If there's not enough cereal in the box for a bowl and it's been sitting there almost empty for weeks... THROW IT OUT.

#5. With clothing: If you haven't worn it in a year, you should not keep it. If it doesn't look good on you, you should not keep it. If it's holey... you should not keep it (I'm talking to myself on that one...). Ladies, here's the biggie- if it's not your size, you should NOT KEEP IT. Let's be real with ourselves. We do not need "skinny clothes" reminding us of what we're not, fooling us into believing we'll wear it again someday. If someday comes, that outfit probably won't be in style anymore anyway, and buying new clothes in a tinier size will be fun. You also do not need "fat clothes" lying around daring you to gain weight again. With the exception of maternity clothing for those planning to be pregnant again, if it doesn't flatter and fit get rid of it.

#6. With "treasures": If you didn't use that holiday decoration last year, chances are you probably won't use it this year. If that nick-knack from your grandma is as important as you say it is, it should be displayed somewhere in your home, not sitting in a box in the basement. If you've been married more than 2 years and still haven't used some gift from the wedding, chances are it will still be in the box in another 2 years.

#7. With children's projects and artwork: Somethings MUST be saved (pottery, handmade books, etc.). In our home, everything else is negotiable. Very quickly I learned how much stuff a child can generate in a preschool classroom. Adorable, precious, awkwardly large stuff. We display it on the fridge for a time, then I take a really great photo of it and throw it in the trash. Yup, I trash it. Then I take all these adorable photos, upload them to a site like Snapfish and turn the collection into a book of my child's artwork. Much smaller, much more manageable, and easier to cherish and enjoy.

That's all I can think of right now, but I hope to add to this list in the coming weeks. I will also try to share some of my favorite organization tricks we use in our home. Happy organizing!

Margin

I've read a LOT of articles and blogposts about margin in the past, but this morning I'm wondering what you all do with yours (and by "you all" I mean the 2 people who actually read this blog- ha ha ha).

It seems as though I haven't had much margin lately so I am trying to use it the best way I know how. Right now, Ezra and Ki are at school, and Cody's gone in a meeting. I should be showering... I REALLY should... but my spirit needs to write so here I sit. I am trying, the best way I know how, to choose the "best use of my time" over the "most pressing use of my time." It's not always possible, but when it is, that's my goal.

Some people are people-oriented and some people are task-oriented. I am the latter. It's difficult for me to sit here writing when I'm stinky (I'm telling ya, I really NEED a shower), there's unfolded laundry in baskets at my feet, my bed's not made, and there are dishes in the sink. It's completely counter-intuitive for me to choose to write at this moment, but I believe that when we make the "best use of our time" priority over the "most pressing use of our time" the first gives us fuel to accomplish the second with more efficiency and energy.

I recently started an devotional called, "Parenting By Design" through YouVersion. It's short (which is helpful these days) and always refocuses my thoughts about parenting that day. I could just as easily spend that 3 minutes reading facebook updates, but I'm finding this tiny change in the use of my margin to pay big dividends. I even have the app on my phone so it's always available to me when I have a moment. I'm also trying to intentionally spend 10-20 minutes a day holding my boys. I do this most of the time anyway, but when I make it intentional, I'm more apt to put down what I'm working on when they're talking, pull them up on my lap and listen fully to what they are sharing. It's not that I care more, but it definitely communicates that I'm invested in them, that they are of vital importance, and that I love to hear what they have to say. It's a small change, but it feels like something huge in our relationship.

I was thinking there were more examples, but now I'm at a loss. Maybe looking at the laundry or smelling myself has finally gotten the best of me... ;) I'd love to gather more ideas from you- maybe there are things I could do that I've never considered!

What do you do with your margin? How do you take advantage of those little pockets of time when life is flexible and you have choice about how you will use it?

Confessions of an imbalanced life

Balance... that elusive dream I chase, sometimes with relentless passion, and sometimes with very little awareness...

I have none at this point in time. I'm a firm believer in the fact that there are seasons where life isn't what we want it to be, but you do your best and plow through, comforted by the fact that it is only a season. Lately, I've used this as an excuse to not push for more in my life, to be lazy, or to ease the nagging I feel when I analyze my "less than" living. At this rate, I am building habits that turn a "season" into a lifestyle.

I miss my husband. Weekly date nights disappeared when we brought home 3 foster children in November of 2009. We were one month shy of having been married 10 years and we had managed to have a weekly date night almost every week for that entire time. All our "free" babysitters kind of bailed once they met our new kids, and we couldn't really afford to pay anyone else. When we could afford to pay, we used these sitters to help us attend meetings and small groups, etc. When they left, no one really offered to step up again to watch Ezra and Ki, and we didn't really want to ask. At this point in time, once a month seems ambitious. Our last date was the day after Christmas, oh wait... we did run errands together in Gaylord for Valentine's Day. I. MISS. MY. HUSBAND.

I miss my alone time. It's been 2 years since we've had "nap time" in our home, and that was my guaranteed time alone with my thoughts each day. At first it was inconvenient but doable, over the long haul it's wearing on me in ways I didn't anticipate. Creativity is non-existent, motivation is lacking, patience is extremely low, etc. Cody has tried to help in so many ways over the past 6 months. He's taken on more household responsibilities, watched the kids so I could run errands by myself, encouraged me to do things that fill me up emotionally, but in the end, I just need regular/daily time alone, and it's not happening.

I miss God. I. MISS. GOD. This is really the crux of it all. Everything else kind of spins off of this I'm sure. Nap time was also my God time. In all honesty I have yet to find a suitable replacement time since that fell by the wayside, TWO YEARS AGO. My time with God is just as hit or miss as the time with my husband and myself. "Life" or lack thereof seems to always get in the way.

I don't want to tell you about all this... I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but I need to be accountable to change this. I need to be honest about the fact that in my interactions with people lately I'm giving advice based on what I've always believed to be true and not out of the overflow of God's spirit in me. I'm physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually exhausted and out of balance.

Have you ever been here?

Apologies for the Annoyances

So... If you are my friend on facebook you have probably been annoyed lately by my posts regarding Swagbucks. I get it, really I do, and I apologize. I'd like to explain myself...

I could turn it off, but here's the deal: I LOVE Swagbucks. In the past 6 weeks I've earned $15 in gift cards at Amazon.com. My Kindle and I are loving it. :) I continue posting about it because I earn even more Swagbucks if people sign up for it using my links, and a few people have. (if you've considered it, I'm unashamedly asking you to use the link on the right of this blog to do it! please please please!!!)

So what is Swagbucks? Basically, it's a search engine of sorts. If you search using their toolbar instead of Google, you earn their "bucks" and you can then turn those bucks in for various prizes. When I started, a friend sent me the following message:

"A few tips: Definitely get the toolbar!!! ;) It's just a reminder to USE THEM for all of your searches! Instead of googling something, use the Swagbucks site to search. Every so often you'll earn swagbucks for a search. It really is just very RANDOM the bucks that you earn! Sometimes I win 3 or 4 times a day, and other times just once....but ALWAYS at least once. I've been using this for 5 days now and have over 400 Swagbucks.

If you buy a lot online, like from Target, JoAnn Fabrics, Meijer, etc....you can do it through Swagbucks and for every dollar you spend, you'll get 2 swagbucks for it! That adds up quickly too, although I haven't done it yet.

You get 1 swagdollar everyday just for having the toolbar if you choose to do that (I do), and one for doing the daily poll, and one for checking the trusted surveys. So a guarantee of 3 a day for 2 minutes of your time. If you use them to search for stuff you'd search anyway you'll start gaining quickly.

There's a Blog on the homepage that will alert you to swagcodes. There is usually a code 4-5 times a week, and sometimes several times a day! They are fun to look for and get! It's basically a random combo of letters and numbers. I copy and paste them onto the home page quickly because sometimes they expire fast. "

In addition:
For a swaggin' for dummies type explanation, click HERE. I found this site to be very helpful. :)

Anyway... Happy Swaggin'!

Quotable Quote

Just read this quote by Dorothy Day. She was the founder of the Catholic Worker movement, and wrote this in her diary about why she didn't give up on the addicts and broken people she ministered to:

"Yes, I see only too clearly how bad people are. I wish I did not see it so. It is my own sins that give me such clarity. If I did not bear the scars of so many sins to dim my sight and dull my capacity for love and joy, then I would see Christ more clearly in you all. I cannot worry much about your sins and miseries when I have so many of my own. I can only love you all, poor fellow travelers, fellow sufferers. I do not want to add one straw to the burden you already carry. My prayer from day to day is that God will so enlarge my heart that I will see you all, and live with you all, in His love."

I LOVE the part that says, "I do not want to add one straw to the burden you already carry." How would that change my life? What if in every interaction we stopped and asked ourselves if we were adding to someone else's burden?

"Sun Stand Still" Review

Disclaimer: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. (but I TOTALLY planned on buying it anyway- tee! hee!)

So, I recently read the book, "Sun Stand Still" by Steven Furtick. Last year during our "One Prayer" series at Praxis Church we watched a video message done by him and I loved it. I knew he also had a book, and I put it on my wish list. Well, thanks to the Blogging For Books program, I didn't have to wait too long (and didn't have to pay for my copy!).

The back of the book says, "If you're not DARING TO BELIEVE GOD for the impossible, you may be SLEEPING THROUGH some of the BEST PARTS of your Christian life. This book is not a Snuggie. The words on these pages will not go down like Ambien. I'm not writing to calm or coddle you. With God's help, I intend to incite a riot in your mind. Trip your breakers and turn out the lights in your favorite hiding places of insecurity and fear. Then flip the switch back on so that God's truth can illuminate the divine destiny that may have been lying dormant inside you for years. In short, I'm out to activate your audacious faith. To inspire you to ask God for the impossible. And in the process, to reconnect you with your God-sized purpose and potential. -Steven Furtick"

I LOVED this book, and that's saying a LOT because I'm really more of a fiction type of gal. It is written well, with a good mix of personal experiences, scripture (especially focusing in on the story of Joshua and his "sun stand still" prayer), and stories of other 21st century people with audacious faith. It's taken me longer than I'd like to complete the book because there is just so much I want to think/pray about and ponder longer. Here is just a sampling of lines that jumped out at me:

• And further still: if the size of your vision for your life isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance it's insulting to God.
• Audacity plays to win. I don't want to raise good boys. I want to raise great men who will do great things for a great God.
• Is there a need you can't stop thinking about that you're perfectly positioned to do something about? Do something about it, anything. Is there something you're good at that God could transform into greatness if you energized your efforts and focused your abilities for God's glory? Go for it. All the way. Are there subtle tweaks you can make in your everyday interactions and activities that will give God room to move in a miraculous way? Make room and get ready.
• The level of your impact will be directly proportional to the price you're willing to pay.
• the scope and impact of your vision will be determined by who you believe God is- and whether you have the courage to respond accordingly.
• If there is no limit to what God can do, then there is also no limit to what we can dream or pray or accomplish in His service.
• ... God's mercy can convert the mistakes of my past into wisdom for my future.

The list goes on and on. The chapter "Pray Like a Juggernaut" totally wrecked me. So many of the examples of general sweeping prayers are things I say ALL THE TIME when I'm praying. I was challenged to be more specific with God and more intentional about our conversations.

I highly recommend this book. I think there's something for everyone in it and I'll probably end up reading it again just to pick up things I missed the first time. If you do read it, or have read it, I'd love to hear what you think!

Please Risk More

"The needs of the world demand that you challenge everything you believe about your personal limitations. Please risk more." --Mike Foster

I read this quote this week and I think I've found my new phrase, "Please risk more." (If you don't know what I mean by "my new phrase", click HERE)

One year ago today I was busy making a lady bug birthday cake for a little girl I was praying would eventually be my daughter. Over and over people would say to me, "I could never be a foster parent. I just know I wouldn't be able to give them away when the time came." In my heart I wasn't convinced I would be able to either, but I was certain this was the path God was choosing for building our family. I knew that in order to have a shot at adopting a young child out of the system, I would have to be a foster parent. I remember baking and frosting her cake (the first pink ANYTHING I had ever had reason to make) begging God to work in whatever way necessary to make her my child. A few months later her crib was empty and I was left with an ache like none I had ever experienced.

A year later here's what I know to be true. "The needs of the world demand that you challenge everything you believe about your personal limitations. PLEASE RISK MORE."

Honestly, the thought of her makes me simultaneously filled with joy and completely miserable. I couldn't miss her more if I tried. If there were any way to get her back, I'd have done it by now, and if I could see her again I would. Here's the thing... I believe there was a purpose in it. I believe God works all things together for good. I don't understand it, and I don't like it, but I know there is a reason for it. I think it completely sucks and I've told God that a million times in the last 9 months. He's big enough and loving enough to take whatever I dish out in anger. He's also safe enough for me to curl up in His arms and weep when I've needed to. I know that I can't afford to shrink up and avoid risk in order to avoid pain. I know that those around me need me to NOT risk less, but in fact, risk MORE. We need you to as well. Whatever you may be avoiding out of fear- risk more. Whatever step God's asking you to take that you're hesitant about- risk more. That relationship that you're unsure of- risk more. Whatever limitation you are absolutely sure of- risk more.

It is absolutely imperative that we do.

What's Your Phrase?

I'm not great at keeping New Year's Resolutions. I often lose track of the things I know I should be focused on. Sometimes I feel like God whispers something to my heart and I stay focused for all of about 2 days... if I'm lucky.

When I was in high school I collected frogs (many of my former students can attest to the fact that this collection followed me for quite a while!). On my 16th birthday my sister bought me a little gold frog in a glass box. One day while inspecting the frog closer, I noticed a piece of paper in the bottom of the box that read, "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your handsome prince." Unfortunately, I TOTALLY embraced the saying. ;) I probably could have kissed less frogs (and by probably I mean I definitely could have kissed less frogs). However, it did help me keep perspective. I think I was a little more guarded with my heart than many of my friends because I wasn't convinced that every relationship was the end all, be all, for me. I knew there would be some frogs before I found my prince. I made peace with that and I had fewer delusions that every guy was probably my "happily ever after." For better or worse, consciously or not, this phrase was a guiding philosophy in my life.

Fast forward to college. I was still kissing frogs, but I was definitely searching for the prince. I was reading a book full of things written by Emily Dickenson when I came across the phrase, "I dwell in possibility." It spoke to my soul in a way that I cannot begin to explain. Cody's fond of saying that "all truth is God's truth." I think this was a God truth for my life. In relationships I was always unsatisfied because "what if there's someone better? what if this isn't my soulmate? etc." "Love the one you're with" was definitely NOT my motto. ;) When I met Cody, I could not imagine a better possibility, and I was certain I was where I was meant to be. That said, my endless dwelling in what "could be" didn't end there. I wasn't relating it to men anymore, but I realized that at my deepest level, God has created me to be a dreamer. I am always looking for a way to improve myself, my family, my surroundings, the future, history, etc. There's always a "next right step" and I'm always looking for ways to track it down and chase it. I love run down buildings because of all the potential... the possibility I see in them. Same with people, the messier the better. I TOTALLY dwell in possibility.

Then about 4 years ago we were in Charlevoix with my family, and I found a bracelet that read, "expect miracles." (it had little fish and loaves of bread on it... very cool) I was floored. I'm not sure why it struck such a chord for me in that moment, but I bought the bracelet immediately and the phrase became my new mantra. Slowly but surely, it started to define my world view. God was capable of so much more than I was giving him credit for in my life. I could, in fact, EXPECT miracles. Impossible things were suddenly possible. Not on a hypothetical level, but in actual practical ways I was believing God would step up and wow me. That phrase saw me through a TON of life change and risk. I clung to it when a friend broke his neck and almost died, while experiencing marriage trouble, when my husband felt God calling him to quit his job and plant a church, when there was no money to pay the bills, when we weren't sure if anyone would buy into the kind of church we were proposing, when attempting the first ever Trunk-or-Treat in our county, etc. etc.

Last fall, days after taking in our first set of foster kids, I was reading "Primal" by Mark Batterson, and somewhere in those first few chapters he wrote, "grace is always the right response," and my world was wrecked again. When dealing with kids who hurt your children, grace is always the right response. When your husband is exhausted and never home (and there are FIVE kids in the house and you need help) grace is always the right response. When the foster kids' mom gets angry at you because her son hurt himself sledding while in your care... grace is always the right response. I remember saying this to myself out loud after dropping the kids off for their visits, trying to convince myself of it's truth. You know what I learned? Those kids who hurt my kids were lashing out because they were miserably scared and hurt inside. My husband who wasn't "helping" the way I wanted was stressed to his breaking point and was trying to carry that burden on his own for my sake. The mom who snapped at me was probably angry with herself because she knew her son should have been home sledding with her, not with some random foster parent. The more I made an intentional attempt to keep this idea in front of me, the more grace opportunities I experienced, and the more aware I became of how self-focused I can be... how ungracious I am as a person. Then I became aware of how often I need grace and it all kind of came together in a new way. Want grace? Give grace. Whether deserved or not, appreciated or not, easy or not... grace is ALWAYS the right response.

So why do I share all this? Well, I'm realizing that one God truth can change everything for me. All of these past phrases have molded me and continue to frame my world view. I'm learning that one tiny phrase is something I am capable of clinging to, and frankly, I'm ready for a new challenge. So...

What's your mantra of the moment? What concept has impacted your life in the past? What is your goal for the new year? What God truth are you wrestling with right now? I want to learn what you're learning, so lay it on me!

ELEVEN YEARS AND COUNTING!

Eleven years ago today I made the single most important decision of my life... a decision that I didn't even know I was making. I don't think I had any idea that I had a choice in the matter, I just knew with every ounce of my being that I needed to spend every moment of my life with this man. Was/is he flawed? Sure. Annoying at times? Yup. Would I marry him again? You can bet your life on it.

Eleven years ago I gambled on the idea that my absolute infatuation for Cody (that had lasted through 2 break-ups and 2 years of dating) would last a lifetime. I bet that my best friend/boyfriend was husband/father material. I trusted his heart more than his actions, and I believed God had something amazing in store for him (and for me if I joined him in the journey). I am SO GLAD I took that chance.

This morning Ki said he wished he could have seen our wedding like he saw his birthmom's this past fall. I surprised him by saying he could and pulled out our wedding video. Oh my... we've gotten old. Still, watching us interact then and remembering so vividly the people we were at that moment in time reminds me of how far we come. How many arguments we've needed to have--- I say needed, because our life together is worth fighting for and some things would never have been worked through without battling it out in the wee hours of the night. I remember how many disappointments of epic proportions we've survived in each others arms, how many months we weren't sure we could pay the bills- and how we celebrated when provision came in the most unlikely of forms, how many leaps of faith we've taken/are still taking- and how God amazes us every time we step out in faith, how much I've learned from Cody, how much we've learned from our children, etc.

I woke up this morning and laughed with my best friend about jokes that are probably only funny to us, and I know that, Lord willing, I will do it again tomorrow. This afternoon Cody told the boys that if they ever find someone 1/2 as wonderful as their mother they should marry her immediately. (*melt*) I just wish I had a daughter so I could tell her not to marry anyone unless he is everything her father is.

Book Review

So, recently I have started 2 different programs that send you free books if you agree to review them on your blog. If you're interested in doing the same, you should check out BOOKSNEEZE by Thomas Nelson Publishing and BLOGGING FOR BOOKS through Waterbrook Multnomah. If you're not interested in reading a book review, you'll wanna stop reading now. :)

The first book I received from BookSneeze was "Start! The Bible For New Believers."
The general editor of this Bible was Greg Laurie. It's a New King James version of the Bible for new believers and it is full of extra details and notes about various passages. It starts with a plan for salvation and then continues with secrets to spiritual success. Some parts of this opening section seemed a little cheesy (although well intentioned). For example, when describing the way in which God forgives our sins it says, "God will toss your guilt into the sea of His forgetfulness and then post a sign: 'No fishing allowed.'" This section also uses a lot of lingo that may not be as accessible to someone who hasn't grown up in the church. Multiple times it asks if you are "saved" or if you have "received God," but never really explains what these terms mean. In the Secrets to Spiritual Success portion of the intro Greg Laurie discusses the need to read the Bible, pray, attend church, give and serve others, and evangelize.

When you get to Genesis, you find that each book of the Bible starts with an introduction telling about that particular book, its background, and when the events contained in it occurred. Almost all the pages have "know" or "grow" section at the bottom of the page that elaborates on what's being read. Throughout this Bible you will also find little grey boxes entitled, "Learn." These sections present facts or research that expound on what's being said. There are also sections titled, "Live," that are aimed at taking what you are learning and applying it to how you live life.

Overall it's your basic study Bible but it's supposedly geared towards new Christians. I didn't find it to be especially user friendly to those who are unchurched or post-church, however it wasn't too bad. If I were recommending a Bible to friends who were seeking, I'd still go with the "Message: Re-Mix" but given that this is still the word of God, you can't really go wrong. :)

*S*N*O*W*

It's about to snow... and not just a little snow... it's going to *S*N*O*W*!* So far this winter I have not yet had snow that was deep enough to cover my lawn completely. Seriously, and I live in northern Michigan. Something about that is just not right.

I love fall, I've mentioned it here before, but there's always something magical about a big snow. As much as fall calms my heart, a big snowfall energizes my inner child. We're supposed to get anywhere from 10-18 inches in the next 24 hours and I'm already just a smidge too giddy about it. ;) BRING IT ON SNOW! (and while you're at it, surprise us and dump an extra foot or two)

How about you? Snow: love it or hate it?

Thanks!

I haven't had the time I'd like for writing here lately, but I thought I'd share with you something that came in an email to me this week. Enjoy...

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A Better Plan from a Better Planner

By John Ortberg

It’s almost Thanksgiving, with Christmas right behind. Often on the holidays we become aware that life does not go the way we plan. We think to ourselves:

I was supposed to be married by now.

I was supposed to be promoted by now.

I was supposed to have retired, or to have children, or to have achieved this dream-

Or, I wasn’t supposed to go bankrupt. I wasn’t supposed to lose my job, or get divorced, or get cancer.

What do you do when life doesn’t turn out the way you planned?

One of the great statements of the Bible reads: “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope, and a future.’

Jeremiah 29:11

We all have plans. But God does not say: “I know the plans YOU have for you…”

In the Bible, God is always interrupting somebody’s plan.

Adam didn’t plan on getting created.

Noah didn’t plan on building an ark.

Abraham didn’t plan on becoming the father of a new nation in his 90’s.

Esther didn’t plan on stopping genocide.

Moses didn’t plan on defying Pharaoh.

Mary didn’t plan on getting pregnant.

Not a single story in the Bible begins: “Then someone had a great plan…”

But God has a plan.

Better than our plan.

So even if we have many disappointments, we have something else, something to be grateful for. We are part of somebody else's plan; a better plan, from a Better Planner. His plan is better than we could invent ourselves in a million years.

Gratitude is one of the best parts of the plan.


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Be grateful my friends! Happy Thanksgiving!

Legend... wait for it... dary!

(or... "why awesomeness is imperative")

This past week Praxis Church sponsored its second annual Community Trunk-or-Treat. It was so much fun, but the thing that gets me, the thing I can't move past, is how many people were surprised by how great it was. Not that "our planning committee is all that and a bag of chips so of course it would be awesome," but the fact that excellence is surprising. I never cease to be amazed by the degree to which we EXPECT mediocre. Heck, half the time (if we're honest), we aim for it.

I love our local community, but I think somewhere along the way we decided average was acceptable. Not only that, but that mediocrity is the best we can hope for. Not that there aren't people or organizations that are exceptions to this, but on the whole, there seems to be this chronic apathy, a pervasive hopelessness. We live in a depressed area. When it comes to opportunities, job availability, school funding, economic development, etc. and there are many who are ready to throw in the towel or who have already decided we're circling the drain as a community and there's nothing we can do about it. Someone asked me the other day what my personal goal for Trunk-or-Treat was. I said I wanted it to infuse a shot of hope into our community, and a dream or vision of something better.

We have potential Oscoda County! Believe it or not, but there are creative, intelligent, wise, insightful, inspired people all over the place in our county. We have everyone we need in order to live somewhere phenomenal. We took less than 10 people and planned a great event. How much more could we do if we were ALL aiming for excellence? In our work places, in our homes, in our schools, in our churches, in EVERY INTERACTION, etc. As Cody said this morning at Praxis, we all have a "best version" of ourselves that God is desperate to see us become. A potential we have not yet attained. If we all start aiming for that, what could we become in the next 5 years?

Stop being surprised by excellence, start AIMING for it!

...and just so you know... I can think of at least 10 ways we missed the target with Trunk-or-Treat and we will be going over it this week to try and think of more. It is our intention to NEVER rest on what we have already accomplished, but to push ahead towards something better... maybe even something God hasn't revealed to us yet. We are not satisfied, but we ARE doing our best. :)

Detergent and Randomness

I'd love to take the time to knock out a meaningful post, but I am fairly confident I do not have the time, or mental capacity to tackle that task today. What can I do? Give you my much anticipated (by about 2 of you) laundry detergent recipe and a little random sumpin' sumpin'.

Homemade Laundry Detergent:
You'll need:
5 gallon bucket with lid
1 bar of Fels Naptha Soap
1/2 cup of Borax
1 cup of Arm and Hammer Washing Soda (make sure it's the WASHING soda)

Grate and melt the bar of soap in 4 cups of water on stove. Put other ingredients in the bucket, and then pour the melted soap water into the bucket. Fill the bucket with hot water and stir. Cover and let sit overnight. Stir and then pour your homemade laundry detergent into left over laundry detergent bottles, filling them only HALF way. Add water to fill to the top. Shake before using each time. (FYI- this detergent does not create suds in the washer, but it cleans well) We have loved this detergent. We've been using our first batch since the first week of June and our clothes get very clean and smell nice. It has a very light scent, and hasn't aggravated Ezra's eczema at all. It cost me just under $10 for the original ingredients and the next time around all I'll have to buy is the bar soap. The way I figure it, it'll end up costing me about $3 for 6 months worth of laundry detergent.

**If you're not interested in making the detergent, I'd love to get my hands on your empty used detergent bottles. I only had one when I made this recipe and the rest of the detergent has been hanging out in the 5 gallon bucket until I need refills. :) **

Randomness?
There are 627,077 people with the first name Amanda in the United States. Statistically its the 80th most popular first name for a girl.
There are 366 people in the United States with the last name Gascho, making it's rank 59,453rd for last names in America.
Finally, there is supposedly only ONE Amanda Gascho in the United States, which honestly doesn't surprise me because I never have trouble using my name for things like email accounts, facebook, or twitter, etc. You can find out where your name ranks by going to the "How Many of Me" website by clicking HERE.

ENJOY!

Excess and Creativity

Over the past 2 years we've trimmed a lot of financial fat in the Gascho home. It hasn't always been easy, it's almost never fun, but it has been totally worth it.

It seems like I've had a LOT of conversations with friends lately about money- or about how money is hindering them from chasing a bigger dream. I get it... I TOTALLY get it, and let's be honest, there are times in life when we work a job we don't like in order to bring in the money we really need. There are times when that is necessary and very much God's will for that season of our life. But if we stay in that vein of honesty, we have to also admit that there are times we work jobs we don't like in order to have "stuff" we really want, or to be able to maintain a certain look or status. There are times we cling to what we know, because we fear what we don't know, or what others may think. For whatever reason, this really rubs me wrong... and I still do it myself.

At some point we choose to become the person we were created to be, or to languish. I feel like a lot of people I love are choosing to languish for the sake of money or the perceived security it brings. I could go back to teaching full-time. Some of you (especially those who support our church financially) may think I should. ;) It would certainly help our finances. It would free Cody up to take a smaller salary. It would provide health insurance for our family and we might not have to pinch our pennies quite so much. I would probably enjoy being back in a professional environment more frequently. But here's the thing... (the thing I have to remind myself of) staying home with my kids is something I have ALWAYS wanted. I'm a better mom when I'm not working. I use more of my time in service to others when I don't work out of the home, and I feel confident I am where God wants me for this season of my life. (disclaimer: I don't think every mom should stay home, and there are many women who balance both phenomenally... I'm just saying I don't.) More than that, my security is in Christ alone... not my bank account, or the freedom to buy cute jeans on a whim, or to plan for amazing family vacations to exotic locations, etc. (and just FYI, "exotic" at the moment would be Myrtle Beach to hang with the Viele's, I MISS MY FRIENDS!!!)

I'm not there yet, but I'm trying to learn to cut the excess and be more creative with what I do have... and I have a LOT. It's crazy, but it took me focusing on how to live with less in order to realize that I still have WAY MORE than I need. I hope in the next few posts to share a few of our more recent experiments with ya... be on the lookout for our homemade laundry detergent recipe and a way to watch great TV for free. :)

How about you? Are you living fully or languishing? Are you stretching a budget, and if so, how?

P.S. Just realized this was post #100 for me. Probably should have talked about something more momentous, or done some kind of "looking back" type of deal... oh well. :)

Thank You!

In 12 days Cody and I will board a plane and head to Atlanta, Georgia for the 2010 Catalyst Conference! If you have no idea what that is, click here to see the official Catalyst website. I am looking forward to this on SO MANY levels:

• I get to be "alone" with Cody (and technically a bunch of other people) for FIVE days. That's the longest I've ever been away from the boys, but I feel like it'll be ok thanks to Skype and cell phones. I'm looking forward to setting aside the mom hat and focusing on being a wife and friend to my husband for such an extended period of time.
• Cody's been to Catalyst before and he always comes back excited. Having had so much responsibility for our church plant over the past year and a half, I am looking forward to seeing him encouraged, inspired and refueled.
  
• I've never been to Catalyst, so I'm excited to see what all the fuss is about and hopefully get a little encouragement, inspiration, and refueling myself. ;) Plus, it'll be so nice to finally REALLY understand what he's seen and experienced. I'm hoping it'll make me a better cheerleader if it inspires new ideas or greater risks in chasing whatever God has for our future.
  
• I'm looking forward to making new memories with my best friend. Sometimes we get in the rut of talking about the kids and our to-do lists, and we forget to create new memories and share new experiences. Whenever we get away together, we always come back with new things to laugh about, new inside jokes, and new memories to look back on fondly.
• I'm excited to see what God has in store through this time away... in any area imaginable or unimaginable! I'm looking forward to hearing all the things these amazing leaders feel led to share, and hoping to grow and be challenged.

I could keep going, but you get the idea. So, with that said, I want to say thank you. If you're a part of Praxis Church, whether local or a long distance supporter, thank you! (click here if you want more info on Praxis) It means so much to know our Lead Team sees the value in sending Cody to conferences like this one, and even more to me that they see fit to send us together. Your love and support makes everything we do possible, and has been one of the greatest rewards for chasing this crazy dream God gave us. *T*H*A*N*K**Y*O*U*!*