My Sunday nap is taking it's toll...
Well, much to my dismay I find myself regretting the fabulous nap I had this afternoon. It's rare that I get to enjoy a nap on a Sunday afternoon, but everything aligned itself perfectly today, and it was accomplished with relative ease. The boys both slept for almost 3 hours this afternoon, our regular small group was cancelled in honor of Father's Day, and the teens weren't scheduled to be at our home until 7pm. So, even after cleaning up lunch and all that that entails, there was still time for a snuggle on the couch with my hubby and a lengthy nap. Sounds great right?!? Well, it's now 1:20 am and I am still raring to go. The fam is all sleeping soundly and I cannot shake this nervous energy I've got going for me now. I'm sure I'll regret this when the alarm goes off at 7am, but for now I thought I'd channel my energy into something more productive. I'm not sure blogging was what I originally had in mind, but here goes.
On a completely unrelated note... if you haven't checked out my friend Josh's progress on their church blog, you should... it's really inspirational, and it will keep you from groaning about your own life so much... I know it kicks my butt on a daily basis. Plus, it might inspire you to pray for them, and that would be so appreciated! http://www.greenhouseministries.org/
Not much new here. The adoption waffling continues- we continue to pray about our next move, and are considering working with the state and doing foster care for a while. Major shift, I know, but it's a long story and I'll get around to explaining one of these days. Basically we're doing our best to trust and be open to whatever options are presented until God makes it clear one way or another. Not giving up on the Africa idea, just considering a different route while we wait.
I mentioned that I read "Gone With the Wind" a month or so ago, and this past week I read the follow up novel, "Scarlett." My friend Tari mentioned that I should, and I'm so thankful I did. I found it at a secondhand shop for 50 cents and couldn't resist. Everything I loved about the first book stayed consistent in the second, and everything that left me wanting in the first was resolved in the second. If I were a true literary snob, I would probably hate the second because of all the resolution, knowing that the ending in "Gone With the Wind" is part of what makes it so famous and so compelling. I know that until I read "Scarlett" I could not shake the original and it was driving me mad. I could be driving down the road listening to the radio and a song would strike me in a completely new way, and I'd find myself wondering if the artist had been inspired by Scarlett and Rhett. I know, I'm a complete dork! I can appreciate the quality of such a novel, because I love the various "what ifs" in life, and I dwell in possibilities, but this one was gnawing at me. So much of what went wrong in the novel was simple misunderstandings or timing issues. The truth of their love was never fully recognized and that was driving me insane. The way Rhett knew Scarlett better than she knew herself, and the scene where she finally realizes that Rhett is the haven she's been looking for all along... augh... it just killed me to have all that insight end in nothing. "Scarlett" went there and dealt with what was left undone, and although it was a long and miserable process, I enjoyed the character development and plotline of the second so much more. Maybe its just because I'm Irish and most of the second book is set in Ireland. :) tee! hee! In all actuality I think I'm just a hopeless romantic and I enjoyed my "happily ever after." Cody says it's because I identify with Scarlett at the core of who I am, and I wanted her to find what she needed and wanted in life. (I'm not sure if being like Scarlett is good or bad, but I think there may be some truth in that) Hey, if you've ever read both novels, humor my inner dork and listen to U2's "With or Without You" and Celine Dion's "All Coming Back to Me" with those novels in mind. It's kind of creepy how well they fit. And yes... I actually own a Celine Dion CD... but, I plead the fifth because it randomly came on the radio when I connected it to my latest reading adventures. (I know... I didn't change the station... I already admitted I'm a hopeless romantic, what more do you want?!?)
I'd better get to bed and attempt sleep one more time. Thanks for humoring me and my randomness. Here's hoping your life's timing is full of unexpected twists and happy endings... more importantly that you find yourself in the center of God's will- knowing His timing is perfection, and our stories are never fully recognized if we are not in touch with the Author.
Much love... sweet dreams... e-mail me sometime...
Monday, June 18, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
In the Past
Okay, so these photos are a little old, but they are so cute I could not resist sharing them with whoever is out there reading this. Taken last October, they are a fairly accurate representation of the boys personalities... Ezra hamming it up with a twinkle of mischief in his eyes, Ki plopped comfortably and smiling contently with an overwhelming gentleness about him. I am truly blessed! (just FYI, earlier today I added pictures to a bunch of the previous posts to spice things up a bit... it's nice having access to fast internet once in a while)Anywho... what's new in our lives?... well, no new news on the adoption front. We're still praying that God will provide a way for us to grow our family without tremendous expense, and we are still believing that we are supposed to be pursuing a sibling group from somewhere in Africa. Those two things seem mutually exclusive, but we know God is bigger than our limited understanding of the possibilities, so we are trusting that He has something planned. We're going to attempt to sell our pop-up camper this Memorial Day weekend to help with the funding, but it probably isn't worth enough to make much of a dent. Our piano may be next...
Ezra and Malaki are becoming fast friends and I am finding myself with more and more free time throughout the day. They do keep me busy, but thankfully they also entertain each other much better than I could, and they truly seem to enjoy each other's company. I look at Cody and his brother, Dustin, and I know I would be happy if Ezra and Ki find even half the friendship that daddy and his brother have. (as an added bonus a few weeks ago I read "Gone with the Wind" from front to back, it's been a while since I've had time for a novel of such epic proportions... now I need to see the movie--- that's right, I've never seen the movie--- pick your jaws up off the floor and keep reading!)
Lately I am struggling with my desire to see great things happening in our community, craving more intimate and diverse friendships, paired with my knowledge that I just really don't want to work at any of it. I don't know if it's apathy, laziness, or just an overwhelming contentment with the way things are right now, but I am at a loss. I miss so many of the friendships that I developed in my college years and its been hard to find that same level of intimacy and committment in the people around me. Not that its not available (it may not be, but I'm not really sure one way or the other), but maybe I'm just not as invested as I once was. I often long for those old friends to start e-mailing or drop in sometime, but time has taken it's toll on those relationships too. There are a few, and for those, I am eternally greatful (you know who you are- tee! hee!) but so many others that for one reason or another were lost along the way. I'm oozing sappy nostagia at the moment aren't I? sorry...
Anyway, I'm not really sure what my point is, just that I'm a bit restless and at the same time, a bit too at ease. Does that make any sense?
I've been focusing on 5 action steps for my life lately, some are easier than others... spend time with God and in the Word daily, volunteer for something or someone at least once a month, reach out and build relationships that draw others to the Lord, do the next "right thing" (whatever it is that you know God is leading you to do, little or big), and... yeah, I can't remember the 5th... oops! It's based on something I read on a church's website, and they got it from a book. I just liked having more clarity and direction in attempting to motivate myself to act in new ways with my faith.
Oh yeah, the 5th... the one that started the trip down memory lane... "find a friend you can invest yourself in with all that you are, someone who you know will do the same in return." That's the kicker one for me. I tend to have a lot of one sided friendships, all about me, or all about them, very rarely are they mutually beneficial. I am prayerful that God has people in my path who will fit that bill, I just have to step out in faith a little more. I already have some of those, and for you I am appreciative. :)
Okay, I just re-read the above and I fear I am rambling out of control. I'll stop now, but if you are one of those friends whose been around for the long haul... thank you! You continue to bless me, even in memory.
much love... Amanda, Lucy, Manders, Man, Fred C. Foley, Beautiful, Betty, Scrub, Zulu Warrior Princess, Springhead, or whatever other nickname we may have had for me over the years (TNT, I'm not listing the one you call me, but I didn't forget it... :) tee! hee!)
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
EZRA-ISMS
EZRA-ISMS...
So, I thought you all might enjoy hearing the amazing words of wisdom that pour from my son's mouth seemingly everyday. Here are a few of my most recent favorites:
1/23- Ezra asked me to marry him so I could sleep in his bed with him at night. I told him I was already married to his daddy and he said, "Hmm... mommy? Do you know who my wife will be?" I told him I didn't, and that I probably wouldn't until he introduced her to me. He replied, "Oh, that's easy, her name's Trinney." :) We don't know any Trinneys, so if he brings one home with him some day I may just have a heart attack!
2/13- We were sitting around the dinner table when Ezra said, "Dad, you are too big. Ki, you are too small. Mom, you are too medium... but I am JUST RIGHT!" I think we've read Goldilocks one too many times. :)
2/16- Cody was gone for the weekend on a winter retreat and I was tucking Ezra into bed when this one occurred. I told him that since daddy was gone for the weekend he was now the man of the house. He replied, "No I'm not, look!" and he thrust his arm up in my face. When I asked him what I was supposed to be looking at he said, "There's no fur on my arm yet, I'm still a boy." :)
3/28- This one is very "Easter Appropriate." We were working our way through one of his educational sticker books the other day and he was matching letter stickers to the letter shapes on the page. For each letter I would ask him if he knew what letter he was working on. He knew them all until the letter "t." I said, "What letter is that?" Ezra replied, "That's the letter 'cross.'" I said, "Well, it looks like a cross, but it's actually the letter 't.'" To which Ezra innocently replied, "Jesus died on a 't?'" :)
Happy Easter!
So, I thought you all might enjoy hearing the amazing words of wisdom that pour from my son's mouth seemingly everyday. Here are a few of my most recent favorites:
1/23- Ezra asked me to marry him so I could sleep in his bed with him at night. I told him I was already married to his daddy and he said, "Hmm... mommy? Do you know who my wife will be?" I told him I didn't, and that I probably wouldn't until he introduced her to me. He replied, "Oh, that's easy, her name's Trinney." :) We don't know any Trinneys, so if he brings one home with him some day I may just have a heart attack!
2/13- We were sitting around the dinner table when Ezra said, "Dad, you are too big. Ki, you are too small. Mom, you are too medium... but I am JUST RIGHT!" I think we've read Goldilocks one too many times. :)
2/16- Cody was gone for the weekend on a winter retreat and I was tucking Ezra into bed when this one occurred. I told him that since daddy was gone for the weekend he was now the man of the house. He replied, "No I'm not, look!" and he thrust his arm up in my face. When I asked him what I was supposed to be looking at he said, "There's no fur on my arm yet, I'm still a boy." :)
3/28- This one is very "Easter Appropriate." We were working our way through one of his educational sticker books the other day and he was matching letter stickers to the letter shapes on the page. For each letter I would ask him if he knew what letter he was working on. He knew them all until the letter "t." I said, "What letter is that?" Ezra replied, "That's the letter 'cross.'" I said, "Well, it looks like a cross, but it's actually the letter 't.'" To which Ezra innocently replied, "Jesus died on a 't?'" :)
Happy Easter!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Ezra is FOUR!
EZRA'S BIRTHDAY!
Hello friends! Today my eldest little man turns 4 YEARS OLD! Yikes! One more birthday and he's off to kindergarten. Although there are times when that seems like it can't get here soon enough, most often I am struck by how quickly he's changing. This morning I was going through his baby book, looking for things that needed to be added or updated, and I was a little bewildered to realize that the only item left in his book is recording his height and weight for this b-day and the next. How did he grow that quickly!?!?!
On the upside, I am thankful to have a little man who still desires to snuggle his parents, says he loves me without prompting, and believes that Jesus lives in his heart and protects him when he's scared. These are things I have always wanted for him, and I am glad to know these prayers are being answered. He is turning into a wonderful person, and although he has his moments, most of the time I feel as though I am bursting at the seams with pride. Ezra is smart, articulate, creative, energetic, passionate, and trusting... I could go on and on... but above all else, he is starting to have an understanding of God and why He's so important to even a little one's life.
Today I celebrate Ezra!
Hello friends! Today my eldest little man turns 4 YEARS OLD! Yikes! One more birthday and he's off to kindergarten. Although there are times when that seems like it can't get here soon enough, most often I am struck by how quickly he's changing. This morning I was going through his baby book, looking for things that needed to be added or updated, and I was a little bewildered to realize that the only item left in his book is recording his height and weight for this b-day and the next. How did he grow that quickly!?!?!
On the upside, I am thankful to have a little man who still desires to snuggle his parents, says he loves me without prompting, and believes that Jesus lives in his heart and protects him when he's scared. These are things I have always wanted for him, and I am glad to know these prayers are being answered. He is turning into a wonderful person, and although he has his moments, most of the time I feel as though I am bursting at the seams with pride. Ezra is smart, articulate, creative, energetic, passionate, and trusting... I could go on and on... but above all else, he is starting to have an understanding of God and why He's so important to even a little one's life.
Today I celebrate Ezra!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
PRAY FOR JOSH
PRAYER NEEDED:
Hey all, I'm posting today to request prayer for my good friend Josh Buck. Some of you may remember Josh from my dating days in college (he was from IWU), some of you were asked to pray a year and a half ago when Josh's 3 month old daughter, Ava, died in a freak accident, and some of you have no clue who he is... however, after 3 months of dating long distance and 9 years of friendship, I count him one of my most cherished friends.
Josh was seriously injured in a diving accident last Thursday while vacationing in Mexico with his wife Shelly. He shattered his C5 vertebrae and is currently paralyzed from the chest down and recovering at a hospital in Miami, FL. We are spreading the word to all we know, and asking that people pray for complete healing. Doctors are giving his legs a 5% chance of recovery, but we know our God is bigger than their stats. If you would, please send a prayer or two, or twenty, Josh and Shelly's way today and everytime you think of it until he is home. Pray also for their children back home, Noah (4) and Zoe (3) and for their little boy still growing in Shelly's tummy (Ephram). For more information, or to follow his progress, check out his church's website... www.greenhouseministries.org
Hey all, I'm posting today to request prayer for my good friend Josh Buck. Some of you may remember Josh from my dating days in college (he was from IWU), some of you were asked to pray a year and a half ago when Josh's 3 month old daughter, Ava, died in a freak accident, and some of you have no clue who he is... however, after 3 months of dating long distance and 9 years of friendship, I count him one of my most cherished friends.
Josh was seriously injured in a diving accident last Thursday while vacationing in Mexico with his wife Shelly. He shattered his C5 vertebrae and is currently paralyzed from the chest down and recovering at a hospital in Miami, FL. We are spreading the word to all we know, and asking that people pray for complete healing. Doctors are giving his legs a 5% chance of recovery, but we know our God is bigger than their stats. If you would, please send a prayer or two, or twenty, Josh and Shelly's way today and everytime you think of it until he is home. Pray also for their children back home, Noah (4) and Zoe (3) and for their little boy still growing in Shelly's tummy (Ephram). For more information, or to follow his progress, check out his church's website... www.greenhouseministries.org
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
More Questions...
Still working on the adventure...
Okay, thanks to all of you who have inquired about how last week's meeting went. I would have e-mailed you back, but posting it all here at once seemed so much simpler. To make a long story short (or, shorter... you know I can never tell a "short" story!!!), this process is going to be much more difficult than we originally imagined. We left our meeting feeling quite discouraged, and that is probably why it took me so long to start explaining things to people. The biggest shock is that the process of adopting children already in the foster care system... who are legally free for adoption... waiting for a family... requires more paperwork, more evaluations, and significantly more time than adopting an infant. The last fact was where we felt thrown for a loop. Whether we were naive going in or not, it seems so sad to us that there are children out there waiting for parents, and it takes so much work to get to them. I can't imagine how many parents have probably thought about taking this route and chose another way of adopting simply because it was easier and faster. When we started our infant adoption process they told us to expect an expansion in our family within the next 9 months. We were told this process will most likely take a minimum of 2 years. In the mean time, children wait, and that is disheartening.
We did decide we will not be going through Traverse City Bethany for this adoption. There are a number of reasons, most of which involve state regulations and various "suggested practices," which would leave us waiting longer than most families they work with. It all has to do with proximity, so we are looking for a more local agency and there really aren't any. So, we are praying for clarity.
At this point, we still feel we are supposed to be pursuing adoption now. Maybe its because God knew it would take forever and wanted to get us going on it. Maybe its because He wanted to force us to consider other options. Maybe He just wants to teach us something about trust... once again! :) Augh! Who knows. For now, we are putting out a lot of feelers and doing our best to keep listening for God's voice in our midst. If anyone has any ideas... we'd love to hear them.
On a side note: sort of... Cody and I have been really drawn to Africa lately. Financially, emotionally, and even with our free time (watching a million and one documentaries on the history and discovery channels). We ran across an adoption agency that specializes in placing Ethiopian and Liberian children who are currently in African orphanages with American families. It looks as though we could adopt 2 children from Liberia for about $10,000 (very cheap for an international adoption and less than it was for Ki). This is far more than we have right now, and more than we could have anytime soon (one of the perks of adopting from foster care is that it's free), but we have not completely ruled it out, knowing God will provide if it is His will. So, we pray...
I was hit the other day while reading my Bible with the verse that says, "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding..." I often feel as though I do trust Him with all my heart... but I know I still lean on my own understanding. My initial reaction to all of this was to try to make sense of it all, in my mind and through discussion with Cody. Such an obvious indicator of the fact that I am no where near "there yet." :) Here's hoping you're farther along than I am!... and that I'll get there one of these days!
Thank you in advance for any prayers you may send our way. We really appreciate all your love and support! :) Hope all is well in the new year with you!
Okay, thanks to all of you who have inquired about how last week's meeting went. I would have e-mailed you back, but posting it all here at once seemed so much simpler. To make a long story short (or, shorter... you know I can never tell a "short" story!!!), this process is going to be much more difficult than we originally imagined. We left our meeting feeling quite discouraged, and that is probably why it took me so long to start explaining things to people. The biggest shock is that the process of adopting children already in the foster care system... who are legally free for adoption... waiting for a family... requires more paperwork, more evaluations, and significantly more time than adopting an infant. The last fact was where we felt thrown for a loop. Whether we were naive going in or not, it seems so sad to us that there are children out there waiting for parents, and it takes so much work to get to them. I can't imagine how many parents have probably thought about taking this route and chose another way of adopting simply because it was easier and faster. When we started our infant adoption process they told us to expect an expansion in our family within the next 9 months. We were told this process will most likely take a minimum of 2 years. In the mean time, children wait, and that is disheartening.
We did decide we will not be going through Traverse City Bethany for this adoption. There are a number of reasons, most of which involve state regulations and various "suggested practices," which would leave us waiting longer than most families they work with. It all has to do with proximity, so we are looking for a more local agency and there really aren't any. So, we are praying for clarity.
At this point, we still feel we are supposed to be pursuing adoption now. Maybe its because God knew it would take forever and wanted to get us going on it. Maybe its because He wanted to force us to consider other options. Maybe He just wants to teach us something about trust... once again! :) Augh! Who knows. For now, we are putting out a lot of feelers and doing our best to keep listening for God's voice in our midst. If anyone has any ideas... we'd love to hear them.
On a side note: sort of... Cody and I have been really drawn to Africa lately. Financially, emotionally, and even with our free time (watching a million and one documentaries on the history and discovery channels). We ran across an adoption agency that specializes in placing Ethiopian and Liberian children who are currently in African orphanages with American families. It looks as though we could adopt 2 children from Liberia for about $10,000 (very cheap for an international adoption and less than it was for Ki). This is far more than we have right now, and more than we could have anytime soon (one of the perks of adopting from foster care is that it's free), but we have not completely ruled it out, knowing God will provide if it is His will. So, we pray...
I was hit the other day while reading my Bible with the verse that says, "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding..." I often feel as though I do trust Him with all my heart... but I know I still lean on my own understanding. My initial reaction to all of this was to try to make sense of it all, in my mind and through discussion with Cody. Such an obvious indicator of the fact that I am no where near "there yet." :) Here's hoping you're farther along than I am!... and that I'll get there one of these days!
Thank you in advance for any prayers you may send our way. We really appreciate all your love and support! :) Hope all is well in the new year with you!
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
New Adventures
Embarking on a new adventure... maybe...
One week from today we will have our first meeting with an adoption counselor to start discussing the idea of adding more children to our family. :) We are trying to be prayerful about this whole process, and right now we are feeling led to at least gather more information. Most of you know, we would like to eventually have 4 kids (I'd like 5) but we are trying to be wise about it all. We know we do not have much money, we know our home will be a tight fit once our children are older, we also know that we do not feel as though our family is complete, and that this phase of life looks best on paper for continuing this process. We have always planned to start this process again once Ezra and Ki were school age. Our hope was that we might be able to adopt a sibling group under the age of 5. That time frame would allow me to really invest in Ezra and Ki for the time being, as well as invest in our new little ones with a little more intensity while their big brothers are in school all day. We are not looking to adopt another infant unless God makes it clear we should. There are so many waiting children in this country and once they get past 6 months old, their options for loving families drop drastically. Everyone wants a baby... and we are nothing if not opposite of most. :) So why now?!?...
Well, Cody's job is very flexible at this time. He has stockpiled 51 days for personal leave time and can use that for "paternity" leave when we add children to our family. His job as an associate pastor is best accomplished in his office, but he can get a fair amount done from home if he needs to. His current employer is very generous about time off, and just trusts that Cody will get everything done and done well. All of this is a luxury we may not have elsewhere... not that we are planning on heading "elsewhere," but you just never know in ministry. So we see this little window of opportunity for integrating new little ones into our family with daddy around more often than not to help aid the process. Plus, there is some concern that waiting longer will mean a more difficult adjustment for Ezra and Ki, and the change that will cause within our family structure. More than anything though... we are just anxious to know our future children. We are craving our future family... if we were doing this biologically, we'd be trying to get pregnant right now! That's where the prayer comes in, because we don't want to be impulsive about this just because we're impatient, we want to know we are in God's will.
Anyway, we would still like to pursue older children if possible, and that's what this info meeting should clarify for us. Usually there is a strongly encouraged policy to maintain a birth order within families... that each child entering the house should be the youngest in the home. We are hoping to work around that a bit if possible. We definitely want to go younger than Ezra (our little "boss of everything" probably wouldn't handle being bumped by a big brother all that well!), but we are not picky about how kids fall around Ki. We figure he'll have to adjust no matter what we do and he's a little too young to really care. Plus, he's ridiculously mellow about most things in life, so he'd probably go with the flow anyway. He'll either have more older siblings, or he'll no longer be the baby. Either way he shifts, so we're hoping that may make the process more flexible. We are also hoping for a sibling group that's non-caucasion. These are some of the hardest children to place, and that is where our hearts are. So, maybe 2 between Ezra and Ki, maybe one between and one below Ki, who knows. It may not even be possible. That's what we're hoping to find out next Tuesday. So, if you think of it, keep us in your prayers. We know God's got it all worked out, we're just anxious to see His plan revealed. :)
So, let the adventure begin!
One week from today we will have our first meeting with an adoption counselor to start discussing the idea of adding more children to our family. :) We are trying to be prayerful about this whole process, and right now we are feeling led to at least gather more information. Most of you know, we would like to eventually have 4 kids (I'd like 5) but we are trying to be wise about it all. We know we do not have much money, we know our home will be a tight fit once our children are older, we also know that we do not feel as though our family is complete, and that this phase of life looks best on paper for continuing this process. We have always planned to start this process again once Ezra and Ki were school age. Our hope was that we might be able to adopt a sibling group under the age of 5. That time frame would allow me to really invest in Ezra and Ki for the time being, as well as invest in our new little ones with a little more intensity while their big brothers are in school all day. We are not looking to adopt another infant unless God makes it clear we should. There are so many waiting children in this country and once they get past 6 months old, their options for loving families drop drastically. Everyone wants a baby... and we are nothing if not opposite of most. :) So why now?!?...
Well, Cody's job is very flexible at this time. He has stockpiled 51 days for personal leave time and can use that for "paternity" leave when we add children to our family. His job as an associate pastor is best accomplished in his office, but he can get a fair amount done from home if he needs to. His current employer is very generous about time off, and just trusts that Cody will get everything done and done well. All of this is a luxury we may not have elsewhere... not that we are planning on heading "elsewhere," but you just never know in ministry. So we see this little window of opportunity for integrating new little ones into our family with daddy around more often than not to help aid the process. Plus, there is some concern that waiting longer will mean a more difficult adjustment for Ezra and Ki, and the change that will cause within our family structure. More than anything though... we are just anxious to know our future children. We are craving our future family... if we were doing this biologically, we'd be trying to get pregnant right now! That's where the prayer comes in, because we don't want to be impulsive about this just because we're impatient, we want to know we are in God's will.
Anyway, we would still like to pursue older children if possible, and that's what this info meeting should clarify for us. Usually there is a strongly encouraged policy to maintain a birth order within families... that each child entering the house should be the youngest in the home. We are hoping to work around that a bit if possible. We definitely want to go younger than Ezra (our little "boss of everything" probably wouldn't handle being bumped by a big brother all that well!), but we are not picky about how kids fall around Ki. We figure he'll have to adjust no matter what we do and he's a little too young to really care. Plus, he's ridiculously mellow about most things in life, so he'd probably go with the flow anyway. He'll either have more older siblings, or he'll no longer be the baby. Either way he shifts, so we're hoping that may make the process more flexible. We are also hoping for a sibling group that's non-caucasion. These are some of the hardest children to place, and that is where our hearts are. So, maybe 2 between Ezra and Ki, maybe one between and one below Ki, who knows. It may not even be possible. That's what we're hoping to find out next Tuesday. So, if you think of it, keep us in your prayers. We know God's got it all worked out, we're just anxious to see His plan revealed. :)
So, let the adventure begin!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Ode to Code
ODE TO CODE
Today I celebrate my hubby! Cody is now officially 28 years old! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY! It's crazy how time flies... we've been "dating" for over 9 years now, and married for 7 (as of next Monday). Seems like we've always been together, I can hardly remember the times before he was in my life, some I'd rather forget! :) Still, it's crazy to remember the day we met, and think of how I told my roommates that night that I thought I was going to marry him... we didn't even talk to each other... talk about love at first sight (maybe it was more of an obsession)! I just remember feeling something completely new and exciting when I was with him, and wanting to hang on to that feeling for as long as humanly possible. Amazingly enough, that sensation has only increased with time. My husband is funny, caring, servant-hearted, loyal, committed, strong, creative, and a man after God's own heart. I love and respect him more than anyone I have ever met, so today I celebrate Cody!
Today I celebrate my hubby! Cody is now officially 28 years old! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY! It's crazy how time flies... we've been "dating" for over 9 years now, and married for 7 (as of next Monday). Seems like we've always been together, I can hardly remember the times before he was in my life, some I'd rather forget! :) Still, it's crazy to remember the day we met, and think of how I told my roommates that night that I thought I was going to marry him... we didn't even talk to each other... talk about love at first sight (maybe it was more of an obsession)! I just remember feeling something completely new and exciting when I was with him, and wanting to hang on to that feeling for as long as humanly possible. Amazingly enough, that sensation has only increased with time. My husband is funny, caring, servant-hearted, loyal, committed, strong, creative, and a man after God's own heart. I love and respect him more than anyone I have ever met, so today I celebrate Cody!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
LOVIN' Christmas!
I LOVE CHRISTMAS! More to the point, I LOVE CHRISTMAS WITH CHILDREN!
Very few people understand my completely unhealthy obsession with Christmas better than Ezra. (Ha Ha, "better than Ezra"... someone should name a band that!) Ezra is enchanted by everything this season has to offer. The story of Christ's birth, the snow, the lights, the tree, the music, the food, wrapping and giving presents, etc. I could not be more pleased to have my little "partner in crime." Poor Cody looks like a true grinch by comparison. :) Ki is a little young to read just yet, although he is thoroughly mesmerized by the Christmas tree at grandma Gascho's house and dances anytime we play the Christmas CD's (granted he dances to music of any kind). Ezra even seems to grasp my overwhelming need to squish the life out of anyone who crosses my path. My poor children are being hugged incessantly simply because I am overflowing with joy this time of year. Ezra has begun preemptively hugging me whenever I am within arms reach. How fun! We will hopefully be decorating the house this weekend and with that it will feel as though the holidays have truly begun. I pulled out all of the Christmas stories for the kids and after 5 or 6 hours of reading them over and over it seems the boys know them by heart. In fact, this morning I caught Ezra "reading" one of them to Ki. Too precious!
Hope you are experiencing the giddiness the holidays afford and are not allowing the pressures of the season to put a damper on your celebration. Afterall, this is a celebration of the only person capable of loving us with perfection, and saving us from ourselves. No stress, only pure child-like JOY!
Very few people understand my completely unhealthy obsession with Christmas better than Ezra. (Ha Ha, "better than Ezra"... someone should name a band that!) Ezra is enchanted by everything this season has to offer. The story of Christ's birth, the snow, the lights, the tree, the music, the food, wrapping and giving presents, etc. I could not be more pleased to have my little "partner in crime." Poor Cody looks like a true grinch by comparison. :) Ki is a little young to read just yet, although he is thoroughly mesmerized by the Christmas tree at grandma Gascho's house and dances anytime we play the Christmas CD's (granted he dances to music of any kind). Ezra even seems to grasp my overwhelming need to squish the life out of anyone who crosses my path. My poor children are being hugged incessantly simply because I am overflowing with joy this time of year. Ezra has begun preemptively hugging me whenever I am within arms reach. How fun! We will hopefully be decorating the house this weekend and with that it will feel as though the holidays have truly begun. I pulled out all of the Christmas stories for the kids and after 5 or 6 hours of reading them over and over it seems the boys know them by heart. In fact, this morning I caught Ezra "reading" one of them to Ki. Too precious!
Hope you are experiencing the giddiness the holidays afford and are not allowing the pressures of the season to put a damper on your celebration. Afterall, this is a celebration of the only person capable of loving us with perfection, and saving us from ourselves. No stress, only pure child-like JOY!
Saturday, November 04, 2006
MALAKI'S FIRST BIRTHDAY!
Ki is now one year old!
It seems like only yesterday we recieved the phone call saying that Michelle was in labor. That morning was such an intense blur of emotion, so much hope in what our family was about to become, so much fear for what it might not. In the end, so much trust in our God to see us through whatever was on it's way. Ki was so beautiful, our time with him in the hospital- so treasured, the entrustment ceremony- so intense. The whole thing was exhausting and exhilarating all at once. I cannot begin to explain the degree to which I wish such an experience for everyone I love. Adoption is a precious journey and has helped me understand the degree to which our heavenly Father loves us... the Bible speaks of how God adopts each of us, making us joint heirs with Christ. Having a biological child, and now an adopted child, I more fully understand the level of equality with Christ that we have been afforded in God's eyes. It is so completely humbling and terrifyingly undeserved. So many people speak of adoption and say things like, "how lucky your little one is to have parents like you..." No one says those things when you give birth to a baby. It's so frustrating. Just like it was with Ezra, we are the lucky ones to have been blessed with Ki. He has enriched us in ways we didn't even know we were lacking. Today I celebrate Ki.
It seems like only yesterday we recieved the phone call saying that Michelle was in labor. That morning was such an intense blur of emotion, so much hope in what our family was about to become, so much fear for what it might not. In the end, so much trust in our God to see us through whatever was on it's way. Ki was so beautiful, our time with him in the hospital- so treasured, the entrustment ceremony- so intense. The whole thing was exhausting and exhilarating all at once. I cannot begin to explain the degree to which I wish such an experience for everyone I love. Adoption is a precious journey and has helped me understand the degree to which our heavenly Father loves us... the Bible speaks of how God adopts each of us, making us joint heirs with Christ. Having a biological child, and now an adopted child, I more fully understand the level of equality with Christ that we have been afforded in God's eyes. It is so completely humbling and terrifyingly undeserved. So many people speak of adoption and say things like, "how lucky your little one is to have parents like you..." No one says those things when you give birth to a baby. It's so frustrating. Just like it was with Ezra, we are the lucky ones to have been blessed with Ki. He has enriched us in ways we didn't even know we were lacking. Today I celebrate Ki.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
My Two Sons
Thought I'd add some pics of my children if I can figure out how to do it. I'm an such a computer moron. :) Enjoy!
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Wanting Answers
Wanting answers:
Ever feel like you're going to pop a vein if you pray any harder? It seems like this is my daily experience for the last few years. Desperately seeking answers and direction for life, never feeling as though I'm being answered. The reality is, if I take a few steps back, I see God's hand in everything I do, and hopefully, in more and more of who I am. If that's not some sort of answer, I'm not sure what is. Still, everyonce in a while I'd like God to send me an e-mail, write something in the sky, etc. Why is it that we seek concrete answers from a God who is able to do "infinitely more than we could ever ask or imagine?" If His answers are defined by his method of response, are we attempting to limit Him?
Ever feel like you're going to pop a vein if you pray any harder? It seems like this is my daily experience for the last few years. Desperately seeking answers and direction for life, never feeling as though I'm being answered. The reality is, if I take a few steps back, I see God's hand in everything I do, and hopefully, in more and more of who I am. If that's not some sort of answer, I'm not sure what is. Still, everyonce in a while I'd like God to send me an e-mail, write something in the sky, etc. Why is it that we seek concrete answers from a God who is able to do "infinitely more than we could ever ask or imagine?" If His answers are defined by his method of response, are we attempting to limit Him?
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Compromise
Yesterday I was watching the Oprah show and I grew more and more frustrated as marriage was discussed. In a nutshell, the guests, and Oprah herself, believed that it is hard (almost impossible) to be true to yourself and be married. All mentioned the idea of "losing yourself" or your "identity" in order to become a better spouse or mother- that this is some sort of lie that women are told that should no longer exist in today's society. They actually called for a revolution- said that women need to hold on to who they are and not change for the sake of a spouse or children. I think they've been fed a lie.
If you've read my first post, you know that I wholeheartedly embrace the concept of authenticity in relationship. So let's be realistic... are any of us so perfect that everything about us, pre-relationship, needs to be guarded so completely that we neglect relationship? Is becoming someone other than who you once were so terrible? Can any of us look back and say unequivocally that we should never have changed anything about our past self? To believe that in single life and independence we somehow have a perfect understanding of ourselves is naive. To assume that being with someone else in a committed marital relationship would somehow "chip away at who we really are" is cowardly.
Dr. Robin (one of the guests) did say that the only way to have a successful marriage was to dwell in truth. To really be who you really are. To be fully present with each other, instead of being who you think your spouse wants you to be. I whole-heartedly agree. That said, what's wrong with letting parts of yourself go? If you are open to it, you may be surprised with the things that fill that space. There may be pieces of yourself, passions and interests that you never knew you had.
I'm not suggesting we compromise on the non-negotiables in life. If you have a strong faith, obviously that is not something worth losing for the sake of someone else. However, where you live may not be as important as who you're with. Maybe you decide to stay home with your children for a time, even though your job gives you a feeling of importance and success. Maybe you stay home more evenings than you go out because it makes your spouse happy- even though you'd rather be out there with other people most of the time. Maybe you start saying "no" when people call to ask you to head up one more committee or join one more community organization, even though you care very much about those particular things. If you do, you may find, over time, that your old job was the source of unnecessary stress in your life, that your home has more order, and that- unexpectedly- you take a great amount of pride in the fact that your family can depend on you to be cheerful in their presence, instead of rushed. That raising your children and being there for all of their minor and major successes is more fulfilling than that promotion you so desperately desired. That the time off has clarified what you really desire to do when you return to the work force and gives you time to pursue the necessary education to go after that new job. Maybe, after a few weeks of boredom, you start to enjoy the time at home. Maybe home starts to become a haven from the craziness of the week and time there begins to fill your emotional reservoir, so that soon you find yourself wanting to give more to others, you are so energized. Eventually, you may even begin inviting others over on a regular basis, fulfilling your need for interaction, and your spouses need to be at home... not to mention blessing those who enter your home and feel refreshed by your hospitality and care for them. Maybe when you say "no" for the first time you will feel liberated from the constant need to please those around you. Maybe you will embrace the fact that their opinion of you doesn't matter, then your concern can rest in how God views you, and you can find peace in His grace. At some point you may become more wise in your decision making and may choose more worthy investments of your time, giving 110% in each activity, knowing you have not spread yourself too thin. How many of us miss unexpected aspects of ourselves because we are sure we know who we "really are", and what we "really" want? How many allow the fear of "losing ourselves" hinder us from trying something out of character? What would happen if we embraced the idea of putting others before ourselves, all the while being authentic as we go through the process. Maybe you try something and it doesn't work out for the better. If we're being authentic with those around us, it will not be hard to back track and try something else. Is what we may lose better than what we might gain? Can we be certain without taking a step in faith?
If you've read my first post, you know that I wholeheartedly embrace the concept of authenticity in relationship. So let's be realistic... are any of us so perfect that everything about us, pre-relationship, needs to be guarded so completely that we neglect relationship? Is becoming someone other than who you once were so terrible? Can any of us look back and say unequivocally that we should never have changed anything about our past self? To believe that in single life and independence we somehow have a perfect understanding of ourselves is naive. To assume that being with someone else in a committed marital relationship would somehow "chip away at who we really are" is cowardly.
Dr. Robin (one of the guests) did say that the only way to have a successful marriage was to dwell in truth. To really be who you really are. To be fully present with each other, instead of being who you think your spouse wants you to be. I whole-heartedly agree. That said, what's wrong with letting parts of yourself go? If you are open to it, you may be surprised with the things that fill that space. There may be pieces of yourself, passions and interests that you never knew you had.
I'm not suggesting we compromise on the non-negotiables in life. If you have a strong faith, obviously that is not something worth losing for the sake of someone else. However, where you live may not be as important as who you're with. Maybe you decide to stay home with your children for a time, even though your job gives you a feeling of importance and success. Maybe you stay home more evenings than you go out because it makes your spouse happy- even though you'd rather be out there with other people most of the time. Maybe you start saying "no" when people call to ask you to head up one more committee or join one more community organization, even though you care very much about those particular things. If you do, you may find, over time, that your old job was the source of unnecessary stress in your life, that your home has more order, and that- unexpectedly- you take a great amount of pride in the fact that your family can depend on you to be cheerful in their presence, instead of rushed. That raising your children and being there for all of their minor and major successes is more fulfilling than that promotion you so desperately desired. That the time off has clarified what you really desire to do when you return to the work force and gives you time to pursue the necessary education to go after that new job. Maybe, after a few weeks of boredom, you start to enjoy the time at home. Maybe home starts to become a haven from the craziness of the week and time there begins to fill your emotional reservoir, so that soon you find yourself wanting to give more to others, you are so energized. Eventually, you may even begin inviting others over on a regular basis, fulfilling your need for interaction, and your spouses need to be at home... not to mention blessing those who enter your home and feel refreshed by your hospitality and care for them. Maybe when you say "no" for the first time you will feel liberated from the constant need to please those around you. Maybe you will embrace the fact that their opinion of you doesn't matter, then your concern can rest in how God views you, and you can find peace in His grace. At some point you may become more wise in your decision making and may choose more worthy investments of your time, giving 110% in each activity, knowing you have not spread yourself too thin. How many of us miss unexpected aspects of ourselves because we are sure we know who we "really are", and what we "really" want? How many allow the fear of "losing ourselves" hinder us from trying something out of character? What would happen if we embraced the idea of putting others before ourselves, all the while being authentic as we go through the process. Maybe you try something and it doesn't work out for the better. If we're being authentic with those around us, it will not be hard to back track and try something else. Is what we may lose better than what we might gain? Can we be certain without taking a step in faith?
Monday, February 20, 2006
First Post
First time:
I have never posted a blog before. In fact, until recently, I had never read a blog... didn't really know what one was. When contemplating a name for this site all I could think of was how desperately I desire to be a part of something real and meaningful, to experience authentic community the way God intended. I'm not sure a blog was what He had in mind, but here I go anyway.
My life is not exciting. There are moments that I feel exhilarated, but they seem to be few and far between. Don't get me wrong, I have joy in my life, and I like where I am, it's just a little lacking in adventure. Do you ever feel that tension? Knowing you should be happy with all you are blessed with, and yet craving something more? Risk, victory, invention, passion, surprise...etc. I seem to always be returning to that place, and most times I feel I am surrounded by people who don't understand the depth to which these desires drive me. I am a dreamer by nature and I live in a realistic society.
My life demands a realistic approach- I am a wife and a mother and I take both responsibilities very seriously- so dinner needs to be made, clothes washed, our home cleaned etc. I am overly aware of all the "real" things in life. Still, I desire time to cultivate depth in friendships, greater intimacy with my husband, and meaningful investments in my children. When I express this to those around me I feel like I am some kind of freak, and yet I believe at the core of my being, that these are the "real" things in life.
Who has time to really know the heart and soul of their friends instead of swapping the latest stories about children, engaging in meaningless gossip, and sharing the events of the past week? Who wants to dig deeper with your spouse and truly know each other in a way that leaves you craving more intimacy on a daily basis? Who has the energy to do more than wrangle your kids, get them fed, dressed, bathed, entertained, and in bed- to instead daily invest in their emotional well-being, listening to their hearts, sharing snuggly moments with a book, singing songs together, acting silly, etc. Most people in my life think my expectations for intimacy are unrealistic and impossible. I have to believe they are wrong, if I didn't, I might as well wither up.
I believe that God created us to be relational people. That everything we do is driven by a need to be in authentic relationship, or in a misguided attempt to avoid authentic relationships. At the dawn of creation Adam and Eve experienced relational perfection, as a couple, and with God. Since the fall, all of humanity has been trying to regain that pefection, to restore broken relationships- with God and man. So am I so crazy to recognize this and seek it with all that I am?
I want messy relationships... real and unfiltered...committed despite flaws...come as you are mentality...exposed to the point of discomfort... until at some point, its as if we've found an oasis in the midst of a fake and guarded society... knowing we have found a few places in which we can be truly authentic with each other and God. Knowing that we are beginning to taste life as it was meant to be.
I have never posted a blog before. In fact, until recently, I had never read a blog... didn't really know what one was. When contemplating a name for this site all I could think of was how desperately I desire to be a part of something real and meaningful, to experience authentic community the way God intended. I'm not sure a blog was what He had in mind, but here I go anyway.
My life is not exciting. There are moments that I feel exhilarated, but they seem to be few and far between. Don't get me wrong, I have joy in my life, and I like where I am, it's just a little lacking in adventure. Do you ever feel that tension? Knowing you should be happy with all you are blessed with, and yet craving something more? Risk, victory, invention, passion, surprise...etc. I seem to always be returning to that place, and most times I feel I am surrounded by people who don't understand the depth to which these desires drive me. I am a dreamer by nature and I live in a realistic society.
My life demands a realistic approach- I am a wife and a mother and I take both responsibilities very seriously- so dinner needs to be made, clothes washed, our home cleaned etc. I am overly aware of all the "real" things in life. Still, I desire time to cultivate depth in friendships, greater intimacy with my husband, and meaningful investments in my children. When I express this to those around me I feel like I am some kind of freak, and yet I believe at the core of my being, that these are the "real" things in life.
Who has time to really know the heart and soul of their friends instead of swapping the latest stories about children, engaging in meaningless gossip, and sharing the events of the past week? Who wants to dig deeper with your spouse and truly know each other in a way that leaves you craving more intimacy on a daily basis? Who has the energy to do more than wrangle your kids, get them fed, dressed, bathed, entertained, and in bed- to instead daily invest in their emotional well-being, listening to their hearts, sharing snuggly moments with a book, singing songs together, acting silly, etc. Most people in my life think my expectations for intimacy are unrealistic and impossible. I have to believe they are wrong, if I didn't, I might as well wither up.
I believe that God created us to be relational people. That everything we do is driven by a need to be in authentic relationship, or in a misguided attempt to avoid authentic relationships. At the dawn of creation Adam and Eve experienced relational perfection, as a couple, and with God. Since the fall, all of humanity has been trying to regain that pefection, to restore broken relationships- with God and man. So am I so crazy to recognize this and seek it with all that I am?
I want messy relationships... real and unfiltered...committed despite flaws...come as you are mentality...exposed to the point of discomfort... until at some point, its as if we've found an oasis in the midst of a fake and guarded society... knowing we have found a few places in which we can be truly authentic with each other and God. Knowing that we are beginning to taste life as it was meant to be.
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